Drag King Comp a "Total Cock-Fest"

Wellington drag kings are fuming after Saturday night's competition at the Watusi.

"What the fuck? It was supposed to be a drag king night, but the club was filled with a bunch of dudes instead," complains Woody Hotpants of Wilton. "It was wall-to-wall sideburns. The air was thick with the smell of Lynx. I musta been the only woman within three blocks."

Twelve other kings who attended the event have reported the same phenomenon.

"I was the only drag king there. The rest of the crowd was made up of all these try-hard hetero lumberjacks, gangstas and Elvis impersonators. I don't know who these straight guys think they're going to pick up at a queer event," says Rick Rollah of Khandallah. Another attendee, Des Ray, also claims to be the night's only drag king, adding,"Personally, I found their presumptive male arrogance quite disgusting. I blame the testosterone."

Events came to a head during the competition itself, during which one contestant questioned another's eligibility to perform, as "being a biological male presents an unfair advantage", grabbing the rival's crotch and tearing his waistband. After eight rolled-up rugby socks and a bunch of slightly squashed bananas were returned to the pantless competitor, the drag pageant continued as planned, with Volcana drummer Marc Almond being crowned as the winner of the night. Judges pointed to the high energy during his rousing performance of Soft Cell's 'Sex Dwarf' (a song written in tribute to local newscaster Paul Holmes) as key to their decision.

Meanwhile, at Garden Club's Winter Strip underwear party, drag queen Dallas Vixen spontaneously combusted during her performance. Fire marshals have cited the build-up of static electricity between the queen's nylon-clad thighs, causing a massive pocket of hairspray fumes to ignite. Five fire trucks arrived just in time to quell the resulting inferno.