Sex Scandal Star Nalia Starr Makes a Comeback

Porangahau drag diva Nalia Starr, whose homemade collection of sex photos destroyed the careers of several other Wellington drag queens, has returned to New Zealand after an extended holiday in Australia, to re-launch her career this week, a source has reported.

Ms. Starr, 42, arrived in disguise on Monday, but was recognized by passengers and reporters at the airport.

Ms. Starr’s agent told us the disgraced star was in New Zealand to film a series of music videos and to promote her comeback tour “The Nalia Starr Experience”, with the dates yet to be announced.

In January 2008, Ms. Starr was embroiled in a scandal when photos of her romping naked with a number of young men were circulated over the Internet.

The explicit photographs were downloaded from her laptop when she took it in for repairs, and a number of people were arrested for allegedly stealing and distributing the images.

At a news conference in Wellington on February 21, 2008, before going into hiding, Ms. Starr apologized to her victims and the Wellington public, and announced she would “step away” from the entertainment industry. But she apparently has changed her mind and has been making quiet preparations for her comeback, including giving interviews and shooting music videos for her tour.

Felicity Frockaccino Plastic Surgery Rumours

The internet is abuzz this week with tabloids alleging that Wellingtonian drag goddess Felicity Frockaccino has undergone several plastic surgery procedures to enhance her beauty, including collagen lip injections, liposuction, a face lift and a breast augmentation.

Ms. Frockaccino, who rose to fame whilst in a little known drag troupe called the 'Welly Dolls' (now disbanded) with drag sisters, Nalia Starr and Rhubarb Rouge, has since moved on to become the creator, host and star of the continuously sold out show, Perminator - The Diva Chronicles along side fellow prima donna Judy Chicago and veteran Magenta Cyan.

Check out the Before and After shots. The differences are subtle but obvious. As for the Felicity Frockaccino cheek implants removal surgery rumour? It’s hard to tell, but it does look like she may have had a little help there as well.

New Zealand's leading plastic surgeon, Dr. Maverick Scalpel from Shortland St. Hospital says, "Chances are high that she probably has had some work done, but who hasn't these days?" He than cheekily added, "She looks damn bloody good for her age and good on her for trying to look the best she can in this ugly world, that's more than I can say for some of the other socialites out there"...

Legend has it that Ms. Frockaccino is in a relationship with world-renowned cosmetic plastic surgeon and fashionista, Dr. Shay Evans, which would explain how she's able to keep changing her look so rapidly from one weekend to the next.

Although it is true that Ms. Frockaccino has huge lips, higher-arched eyebrows than most people and ginormous tittehs, she has neither confirmed nor denied this rumour -- a suspicious act that, in the mind of this reporter, adds even greater weight to the gossip.

Felicity Frockaccino is well known in the greater Wellington and Auckland regions for her outlandish tastes in outlandish things.

Catch Perminator at Club Ivy from the 17th of July to the 8th of August, with shows scheduled for every Friday night at 10:30P.M., drag and specific time (which means, nobody actually knows when the show really begins, but you should be there anyway because you know it's going to be good). Meow.

Rhubarb Rouge: Rost and Ronery

Wellington city Police detectives are assisting loyal fans, family and friends with the investigation of missing drag superstar Rhubarb Rouge. The winner of Miss Drag Wellington 2009 was last seen June 27th at the Queen of the Whole Universe beauty pageant at Wellington's St James Theatre.

The police are asking the public to help provide information regarding the whereabouts of the not-really-Asian-but-come-on-look-at-that-photo gender illusionist.

Sergeant Pulo Mafinga with the Wellington Police Department, says 18-year old Rhubarb Rouge left S&M's Cocktail Lounge's after party in the company of two well-built but unidentified men. Eyewitnesses claimed that they thought she was "just off for a bit of fun," and didn't suspect foul play until Ms. Rouge was officially reported missing.

"Rhubarb's been known to take a few days to sleep off her hangover, or accidentally doze off in a dumpster and take her time getting home," says her mother, Ellie Kat. "But when she missed her bible study and her knitting circle meeting, I got a little suspicious." Her mother and friends frantically contacted the Dominion Post, but declined to place an ad when they were told that the notice would appear in the classifieds under either 'Adult Entertainment' or 'Missing Dogs'.

"Help us, Shaaron and Shandy," begs Mrs. Kat, tearfully. "You're our only hope."

Anyone with information to help find Rhubarb Rouge is asked to call NZ Police dispatch at 0508-111-xxx. If they try to call you a cab, politely refuse and insist on speaking to an actual officer.

Giant Grey Phallus Tells Us What We Already Suspected

Ex-children's-show host and Kiwiana icon Thingee has announced his homosexuality at a press conference this morning. Commentators have criticised the timing of his revelation, claiming that such openness comes only after the death of his television career.

Thingee co-hosted various shows with Jason Gunn throughout the late eighties and nineties. Rumours romantically linking the two were rife, but were assiduously denied by the pair.

"Jason is, and always has been, just a friend," said Thingee during this morning's press conference. "As a puppet, I've had many hands up my arse, but none of them were ever his."

Thingee follows in a proud tradition of LGBTQ representation in TVNZ children's programming, with Play School's Big Ted and Little Ted being a pioneering queer couple on the Kiwi small screen.

Wellywood gossip suggests that Thingee and Good Morning's Steve Gray are something of an item, but the duo are staying close-lipped on the subject. Watch the following clip and make up your own minds, Dear Readers. Thrill as Thingee bitches about Good Night Kiwi, discusses his future in 'adult television', and (around the 3 minute mark) makes an indecent proposal on live television.

Drag King Comp a "Total Cock-Fest"

Wellington drag kings are fuming after Saturday night's competition at the Watusi.

"What the fuck? It was supposed to be a drag king night, but the club was filled with a bunch of dudes instead," complains Woody Hotpants of Wilton. "It was wall-to-wall sideburns. The air was thick with the smell of Lynx. I musta been the only woman within three blocks."

Twelve other kings who attended the event have reported the same phenomenon.

"I was the only drag king there. The rest of the crowd was made up of all these try-hard hetero lumberjacks, gangstas and Elvis impersonators. I don't know who these straight guys think they're going to pick up at a queer event," says Rick Rollah of Khandallah. Another attendee, Des Ray, also claims to be the night's only drag king, adding,"Personally, I found their presumptive male arrogance quite disgusting. I blame the testosterone."

Events came to a head during the competition itself, during which one contestant questioned another's eligibility to perform, as "being a biological male presents an unfair advantage", grabbing the rival's crotch and tearing his waistband. After eight rolled-up rugby socks and a bunch of slightly squashed bananas were returned to the pantless competitor, the drag pageant continued as planned, with Volcana drummer Marc Almond being crowned as the winner of the night. Judges pointed to the high energy during his rousing performance of Soft Cell's 'Sex Dwarf' (a song written in tribute to local newscaster Paul Holmes) as key to their decision.

Meanwhile, at Garden Club's Winter Strip underwear party, drag queen Dallas Vixen spontaneously combusted during her performance. Fire marshals have cited the build-up of static electricity between the queen's nylon-clad thighs, causing a massive pocket of hairspray fumes to ignite. Five fire trucks arrived just in time to quell the resulting inferno.

Out Games 2009 Website Sets Sail

Wellington’s favourite daughters and self-proclaimed ‘filthiest people alive’ Shaaron and Shandy were welcomed by Wellington Mayor and former pirate Kerri PrendergARRst in the council chambers last Friday night for the official launch of the website for the Wellington Out Games 2011. No stranger to controversy, PrendergARRst has faced public scrutiny in recent months after accusations of embezzling ratepayer money for the purposes of a highly secretive Lambton Harbour project rumoured to be a shipyard. Or launchpad.

The Out Games to be held in two years' time will boast not only the top GLBTQ athletes in the Asia-Pacific region, but will coincide with other events such as seminars and social gatherings aimed at the queer community. In attendance were a selection of inflated debutantes lapping up the sense of occasion, and many prestigious pushers and shovers from the Wellington queer community, and further abroad.

“It might be two years away but there’s an awful lot of planning to do!”, PrendergARRst said in her speech. “As the mayor of the most tolerant city in the country, I am only doing my duty to be a patron of such an event, so it is my pleasure to patronise you further tonight.”

The night came to an abrupt end after an intoxicated member of the Victoria University group UniQ had to be keelhauled by one of PrendergARRst’s personal bodyguards and former shipmate for attempting to maul the mayor in search of her ‘sunken box of treasure’.

When asked to comment, PrendergARRst communicated exclusively to Shaaron and Shandy that she “[doesn’t] know why she tolerates these people.”

Madonna Eats Babies?

In an obvious attempt to mask her utter lack of talent, Madonna has admitted that she feeds on the flesh of living infants.

Our correspondents in Malawi report that Madge is known to flit from house to house in the darkness, stealing and eating any babies that she finds. Using her well-known mania for ethnic adoption as a cover, the singer examines the local children, selecting only the tenderest and most delicious as her prey.

The Hard Candy star is up-front about her habit.
"Don't be fooled by the fact that I've been nominated for 29 Grammies, or that I've won seven of them," said the best-selling American artist of 2009 in a phone interview. "Underneath it all, I'm a talentless hack. The only way I can hope to keep duping the public with multi-platinum singles is by eating babies -- countless babies -- thereby consuming their souls and adding to my own dark powers."

The cannibalistic chanteuse demonstrated her sorcerous talents by causing two French workers to be killed and seven more to be injured during the construction of a set for her upcoming concert in Marseille.

"That's what you get for associating with me," said Madonna. "My black arts are so strong they just sort of bleed over into the rest of my life. They totally make up for my lack of skill in any other areas. Baby drumstick, anyone?"

RACHAEL WRIGHT FAILS TO STRIP -- UniQ Doyenne Remains Fully Clothed For First Party Ever -- 14-year-old Demands Tittehs

This year's otherwise flawless UniQ Ball was marred by co-president Rachael Wright's complete failure to strip at the lavish, burlesque-themed event.

The uncharacteristic lack of public nudity on the part of Wright has drawn wide-spread criticism from the Wellington community, particularly since there was a 14-year-old minor in the audience who reportedly "was really looking forward to it."

"Rachael's tits are celebrities in their own right. They've got a fan page on facebook and everything," commented the minor when contacted for this article. "All I wanted on Saturday night was to party with the queers and see a little skin. Now that opportunity has been taken from me forever."

The teen (name withheld by request) added that she had been banned from taking her partner to her own school ball, but that she probably wouldn't have gone anyway because the chances of seeing exposed breasts were neglible.

Wright, whose naked exploits have delighted Wellington party-goers since 2006, offered a public apology this morning.

"If my antics offended anybody, I'm sorry. My clothing was intended to explode from my body at precisely midnight, exposing a small pornographic sketch inked onto my midriff. Due to a wardrobe malfunction, both my left and right breasts remained fully covered throughout the evening, despite my best efforts to tear my shirt off with my teeth," wrote Wright on her twitter.

In a further effort to make amends, Wright has promised to email digital photographs of her anatomy to anyone who feels cheated by the events of Saturday night.